|
|
|
A musician
who's spent his whole life trying to break into the big
time is feeling very depressed. He's been turned down
by every single record company in the country, and no
one seems to recognize his unique genius other than his
Mom. So he decides to top himself and dreams up an ingenious
plan to get back at all the institutions who've rejected
him all his lfe.
He goes into a recording
studio and tells the engineer to record exactly what
he says, then copy 1000 CDs and send them out to all
the record execs in the country.
He goes into the vocal
booth, the red light goes on, and he begins:
This
is a message to all you sycophantic, talent less bastards
who've ignored me all these years.
I dedicated my life
to writing beautiful, emotive, soul touching music, and
all you wankers do is trash bin my tapes and sign pretty-boy
bands and the Spice Girls. Well, I've taken all I can
of your puerile, shallow industry, and it's YOU who've
driven me finally to it. Bye-bye, murderers of Art ,
I am done!!"
With that, he pulled
out a gun and completely sprayed his brains all over
the studio's wall.
The
sound engineer glances up and says:
"Okay, that's fine. I think we have a level. Wanna go for a take buddy?" |
|
Now... Let's not forget our Sound
Engineer friends...
- How many producers does it take
to change a light bulb?
Two, one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I
don't know, what do you think?"
-
What's the difference between a sound
engineer and a toilet?
A toilet only has to take shit from one asshole at a
time...
- An
engineer, a lighting director, and a road manager are
in the desert, waiting for the overheated tour bus to cool
down. They stumble across a magic lamp. The
engineer picks it up, rubs it, and a genie appears.
"Thank you for releasing me from the lamp. As a reward I
will grant each
of you one wish. Choose wisely."
The engineer thinks for minute and says, "I want a vacation.
Send me to
Cancun. Surround me with beautiful women, the best food,
and an endless
supply of margaritas."
The genie nods his head, and in a puff of smoke the engineer
disappears.
He turns to the lighting director and asks, "And for you?"
"Yeah, that sounds pretty nice, but I'm more of a ski-buff." says
the lighting director,"I want to go to Switzerland. A nice mountain resort, chicks,
food,
booze...the whole deal."
Again the genie nods his head and the lighting director vanishes.
As he turns to the road
manager, the bus finally starts and the driver is signaling
that he is
ready to leave. The genie turns to the road manager and asks
what his wish
is.
The road manager quickly replied, "I want both of those jerks
back on the
bus right now!
- What is the difference between
a producer and a chimpanzee?
It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to
communicate with humans.
-
A furry little rabbit, who is blind, is
sitting under a bush, quietly sobbing, when a garden snake,
who is also blind (quite a coincidence, but hey, it's a story
. . .), happens along, and pauses by the rabbit.
"What's the matter", he asks, to which the rabbit replies, " I'm
blind and lost, and I can't tell what kind of animal I am." The
snake answers "I'm blind, too! Say, maybe we can help each
other. Tell you what: let me check you out first, and then
you can do me, too".
The rabbit agrees and the snake slithers over and proceeds
to coil all around the rabbit. "Lemme see," he says "You're
warm and furry, and you've got long ears and a little puffy
tail . . . you must be a rabbit."
"I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!!", the little rabbit exclaims,
and hops around excitedly and the snake says "OK, now it's
my turn . . . "
The rabbit feels the snake very carefully, and says, "Let's
see . . . You're cold and slimy, and you don't have any
ears at all . . . you must be an Agent!"
-
An architect, an artist and an engineer
were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the
wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building
a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The engineer said, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they'll each assume you're spending time with the other woman,
and you can go to the studio and get some work done."
-
A sound engineering student is walking
across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new
motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a great bike?" asks the first.
The second engineer replies, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said take what you want.'"
The second engineer nods approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
- One day the musicians for a rather large
recording session were assembling at a studio. Everyone had
their headphones on, the session was close to getting underway
and the producer of the session came over the talkback system
and said "Okay
I need to have total silence!", Just then the drummer on the
session played a big barumdum Crash! The record producer angrily
replied, "Okay who did that?".
Click
here to Give The Drummer some
|
|
|