Sub-A Story Of Biblical Proportions
The year was 25 AD. It was Christ's birthday and the Apostles
wanted to celebrate by treating Jesus to something other
than fish. Quite frankly, that Wedding At Cana bit where
ol' Jeez multiplied those two fish had pretty much put everyone
off seafood, except for Mark, who could eat it three times
a day, seven days a week. He had an Omega 3 deficiency.
Anyway, they scoured
the countryside looking for a place that served something
other than fish. They passed a zillion fish joints.
Mollusks 'R' Us...Eel City...In Cod We Trust (never
go there, they don't change the frying oil)...Herod's
House Of Halibut...The Tilapia Tent...If You Knew
Sushi Like I Know Sushi....The Dapper Snapper...Long
John Silvers (Mary Magdalen claimed that was a lie),
and Red Lobster... to name a few.
Finally, they happened upon
a little hut with a sign that read, Luigi's Sub
Shack. It was run by a little old Italian man
named Mario. Paul ordered first, since he was
the most sick of fish. (His wife is the famous
Mrs. Paul, who makes those sticks.) Paul ordered
a meatball sub. Luke, who they nickamed Puke
'cause he could never keep anything down, ordered
a sausage parmigiana. Peter ordered the Genoa
salami sub, and Jesus asked for a steak sandwich.
Luigi was getting all flustered at these orders
being yelled at him at the same time so he
says, "Just
a minute-a! Let-a me getta this-a straight.
Paul wantsa the meat-a-ball, Puke wantsa the
sausage-a parmigiana, Peter wantsa the salami,
and a Jeez-a..steak! I got it! Now John and Matthew
were next, but John was dumb and Matthew was
almost deaf, they thought he said Cheese Steak
instead of Jeez-a...steak.
So they ordered Cheese Steaks, upon
which Luigi layered some White American cheese being that
he had just run out of mozzarella. Well they just went
nuts over this sandwich! |
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The rest is history. So, the next time some jerkoff from
Philly claims that the sub comes from the kitchen of someone
in Philadelphia, just say, "JESUS CHRIST! IT DID NOT!" That
should shut them up.
The Word Of The Fazz
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