The Church Carnival

Somehow, through the powers of divine intervention, the internet, and unabashed pleading on the part of our esteemed editor...you've found your way to the front door of my column. Lucky you. My name is Mick, and I'm here to entertain, amuse, and upset you greatly with a few stories of fun, frolic, and blatant eroticism....forget that last one. This is a family publication. A dysfunctional family publication. That being said, I'd like to invite you into my world. Kindly remove your shoes as I've just had the carpet cleaned, and spend a few moments with me. I like you. I don't know you, but I like you. On toast.....

There was actually a time when our band would take just about any gig that was thrown our way. We hadn't firmly entrenched ourselves in the club circuit yet, and block parties, as much fun as they were, never paid much, and the cops would soon shut the whole thing down which was a drag.

So....we wound up playing at a Church Carnival.

The money wasn't that great, but it was something...and we got to eat all the funnel cakes we could stand. I never want to see another funnel cake as long as I live. Anyway, we were rockin' the crowd pretty well. There was this cute girl around my age that seemed to be enjoying the music. After our set, she came up and told me how much she liked our tunes. I offered her a funnel cake. She accepted. We walked around the carnival, I won her a few prizes. It was kinda cool. Very cool actually. We talked, we connected, we ended up leaving together. We get back to her place, and as she shows me around her apartment, I notice that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. I'm kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but I decided not to mention this to her. I mean, what was her deal, a carnival groupie?

We sat on the couch and talked a little more, got a little closer....things heated up pretty quick and before I knew it, were headed to the bedroom.

After an exciting encounter of mad passionate lovemaking, and as we're lying together in the afterglow, I roll over and ask, "Well, how was it?"

She goes, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

The Children's Corner: The Happy Turkey-A Short Story

There once was a happy turkey and he lived on a farm. All day long he would run around saying, "Gobble gobble gobble gobble!" He was so happy because all he did was run around, eat corn, and say, "Gobble gobble gobble gobble!" All the neighborhood kids would come by and feed the happy turkey corn just to hear him say in a happy voice, "Gobble gobble gobble gobble!" Then one day in November, the farmer, who was holding an axe, walked up to the happy turkey. The happy turkey said, "Gobble gobbl gobb gob...ah f**k."

The End

Well, thanks for dropping by. I hope you enjoyed our little visit. I know I did. I look forward to seeing you again soon. Next time, bring a piece of cake or something. And close the damn door.

What...you were brought up in a barn? Happy Holidays to All... xoxoxoxo

Mick Fazz